BELIEF #2: I AM A BURDEN ON OTHERS WHEN I AM SAD/DEPRESSED
In my previous article, I talked about how many of us believe that depression makes us weak. Today I want to talk about how damaging it is to THINK that we are a burden on our loved ones when we’re in a negative emotional state.
How many times have you felt guilty over your sadness, loneliness, feeling insignificant, pessimistic, failure and so on?
I certainly have felt that guilt at times. After I gave birth recently to my little angel, I was so overwhelmed with all my baby blues…so instead of nurturing and taking care of myself, I was feeling guilty about not being able to be a perfect mom and I was worried about how my husband and my mom perceived my emotional state. I felt like a burden because I had the illogical “thought” that: I should be a happy and up and running without help….when I was actually going through a lot of changes in my body as well as in my emotional and physical life.
This feeling like a burden comes from 2 things:
1- Perfectionist mentality
2- We love our loved ones A LOT that we want to protect them from any pain and hurt
But maybe for you it wasn’t having the baby blues that made you feel like a burden….maybe it was something else like not being happy with your partner, losing a job, feeling like you have no purpose, breaking up with your partner, losing someone you love, losing your pet and so on….
Feeling like a burden is very hurtful to both you and people who live around you because:
1- We believe that we know what is best for others so we protect them instead of letting them live their path
2- Our assumption is simply an assumption that has no base in reality. Reality often shows that people WANT to be there for others because we all love to be needed and we also receive love by giving love to others (receive love through experiencing ourselves as loving)
Think about a situation in the past where you felt guilty about your negative emotional state…how did you react to this thought?
here’s what happens when we feel sad/depressed yet worry if we’re a burden on others?
- We lose respect for ourselves and treat ourselves accordingly such as we assume there must be something wrong otherwise we wouldn’t be feeling down
- We judge ourselves so harshly…we become bullies towards ourselves and we treat ourselves as if we are not worthy of love, attention and goodness (one way to discover whether or not you’re doing this…simply ask yourself this question: Would you work for someone who talks to you like you talk to yourself?)
- We begin to overcompensate because we feel guilty for our emotional state…that honestly could be very ANNOYING for others
- We become extra cautious about what we say and do around others (dishonest)
- We focus more on making others happy instead of focusing on making ourselves happy….but then wouldn’t be emptied out of energy because we are not filling ourselves up with what we need? So how are we really making others happy?
- We take the blame for things that we were not even responsible for
- We feel unworthy about receiving love because there must be something wrong with us…otherwise we wouldn’t be depressed
- We begin to do EXTRA self-growth work such as we become obsessive with fixing ourselves so that we don’t have to show this side of us anymore
- We even try to hide who we are and what we’re going through…pretend that everything is perfect in our life
- Some people who feel like they are hurting others become suicidal because they are ashamed of their feelings and their love for their loved ones is too deep that they don’t want to hurt them anymore with their hopelessness (if this is you, please call National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255)
This thought doesn’t only damage us …it damages other people around us who are present to support us because:
1- It is pretty darn hurtful to reject someone’s love and help when they are giving it all to us
2- Everyone has their ow demons to face. Rejecting their help and love will make them think/feel that it is not okay for them to go through that either
3- Instead of being great listeners, compassionate and nurturing ….. we become individuals who want to FIX AND FIND solutions for others as if we know what is best for them.
BUT …..Imagine for a second here….how would YOU FEEL about yourself and how would your life be different if you believed that YOUR DEPRESSION (or any negative state) is a BLESSING for others instead of being a burden?
You may start wondering how is it possible that being so down is a blessing on my loved ones for example? Here are few to help you get started with your inquiry about this belief:
- People who feel depressed or sadness often are very empathic people…they read people so easily (That’s comforting for others)
- Negative emotional states bring insights and a lot of learning when we sit with them…..these insights are often fun to discuss and great inspirations for others. In other words, the insights that you get from your self-inquiry and sitting with your sadness will help other people since WE ALL go through moments, days and months of sadness. (Your depression becomes purposeful)
- It takes COURAGE to TRULY feel and SHOW sadness or pain….by being your courageous self, you are giving others a chance to also be transparent around you…..that is key to creating INTIMATE relationships of any kind (That makes it easier for others to open up to you)
- It’s so much easier to talk to someone who has been through depression because THEY GET pain, hurt and when someone is going through a rough time…isn’t this a blessing? IT’S A BEAUTIFUL GIFT! (Other can be honest and transparent with you)
- Inspirations, poems, art often come from a place of pain…..(The world will thank you)
- Your sadness is showing you your depth and the other side of your own world. It triggers big DEEP questions and DEEP conversations about life, God, relationships and so on…..(Your inquiry will help others solve their dilemmas)
- By being yourself…whatever that looks like when you’re depressed, you are being honest and authentic…..it takes strength to BE that transparent.(Other can be themselves with you completely)
- You’ll realize that there’s nothing wrong with you and by doing that you’ll see strength, courage and inspirations in others when they go through something similar (Others will realize that it is normal to be human and feeling these ups and downs. It is normal to feel depressed and only goodness and strength can come out of it)
- Every person we have around us is a reflection of who we are…so when you are being yourself in your own pain and sadness you are mirroring each and every one of us. You would be giving everyone a permission to explore radical self-acceptance and in my OPINION….that’s the ULTIMATE state of LOVE.
- By being yourself and allowing others to help..you are minding your own business and allowing them to explore a loving and kind version of themselves .….whose business are you in if you feel like you’re a burden on others?
“There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.” – Byron Katie
Choose to be in your own business and you’ll experience freedom.
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